Short cuts make for long delays.
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
I never liked short cuts much, mostly because they never really seem to work all that well. It always starts the same way for me every time:
1. I get lost going somewhere new.
2. I look for someone in the area who may have a clue as to what is going on.
3. "Excuse me do you know how to get to..." I ask. "Why of course I do I have lived here my whole life."
4. Great. I think to myself. I will be going in no time.
5. "So you can either turn around and go back from the direction you were coming. Then take your first left to get back on the main street, and then just keep going straight." Then they come to a realization that there is a better "Short Cut" I just need to take. "Or come to think of it I know a shorter way that is much faster."
6. Man, I am so lucky. I think again.
7. "So to get where you are going, first go down this street for three minutes, and take your first left at the house with a red mailbox. If you go to far you will pass a house with the blue mailbox that has a rooster painted on the side of it. After you take your first left go another mile and veer right. Make sure you stay to your far right or you will end up on the wrong street. After you veer right you will pass an old church with a graveyard. Take the first right after the church. Then drive about seven minutes and take that first left after the tree that looks like is about to fall over. From here just continue going straight and you will be there is no time."
8. I really don't want to follow these directions, but now I feel forced since this gentleman took such a long time to explain it all to me. All the while he keeps assuring me how easy it is. "Ok great, thanks so much." I say, but really I just want to get the hell out of there now.
9. "If you have any questions just come on back." I wave and speed off hoping never to return.
10. Where do I end up: Next to a broken tree in the middle of nowhere, across the street from a graveyard with a damn rooster that is flying around on top of a random mailbox.
The moral of the story: either don't get lost, or stay far far away from any short cut that a random stranger tells you about.
- Robby Silk